Cold Case Club.

Subject applied a hormone patch to the left hip 72 hours ago. Patch is gone. The dog has alibis.

Subject reports waking at 3:17 a.m. drenched. Two prior incidents this week. Suspect: hormones.

Subject knew the word. Subject used the word daily for 30 years. Subject cannot retrieve the word for 'spatula'.

Subject removed cardigan in the grocery store. Then a second layer. Then considered the freezer aisle as a permanent residence.

Subject swears keys were on the counter. They were not. They were in the fridge. Beside the oat milk. Why.

Patch fell off at 36 hours. Manufacturer claims 72. Subject claims slander.

Subject used outside voice in the library. Twice. The librarian made eye contact.

Subject sat down at 2:00 p.m. Subject stood up at 3:00 p.m. Subject has no memory of the intervening events.

Subject cried at a latte foam art. Subject was not even sad. The barista offered a free muffin.

Cardigan on. Cardigan off. Cardigan on. Cardigan gone. A garment cannot vanish from a meeting. Or can it.

Subject went to refill the HRT patch. Pharmacy says no. Doctor's office says yes. Insurance says please hold for 27 minutes.

Subject woke at 2:14 a.m. and made a series of decisions about their career, marriage, and houseplants. All of them felt urgent.

Bras that fit in January no longer fit in November. Subject is the same person. The bras are not.

Subject set the mascara down. Subject is now late. The mascara has not been seen since.

Every Friday at 4 p.m., a headache. Six weeks running. Doctor said 'stress.' Subject says: investigate.

Subject was fine at 4:46 p.m. At 4:47 p.m. subject was filing a federal complaint against a sock.

Subject set the thermostat to 67°F. The other resident set it to 72°F. The thermostat has been touched 14 times in 6 hours.

Subject is 47. Subject thought they were done with this in 1993. Subject was incorrect.

Subject reports that everyone is doing too much, too loudly, in too many group chats. Investigation pending.

Subject reports patience was present at breakfast. By 2 p.m., entire reserve had vanished. Pet was not at fault.